You know what’s scary and delicious at the same time?
Taking it all off…
Not the clothes (relax)…the weight of rules and roles and all the dusty expectations that try to grind you into some polite little powder that fits nicely into everyone else’s teacup.
Let’s get into it.
Rules:
What are rules?
Guidelines, boundaries, socially approved suggestions that often feel less like “helpful tips” and more like someone’s tacit threat wrapped in polite stationery.
Rules are supposed to provide structure toward a goal.
But goal-less rules?
Those are the vampires of human energy:sucking time, joy, and the spontaneity right out of your chest. We feel them at the office in pointless meetings, or souless conversations.
Yet here we are, culturally conditioned to salute rules even when they’re nonsense.
Who upholds them?
Everyone and no one…and that’s the scary part
Roles: The Conceptual Jackets We’re Forced to Wear
Now roles?
Roles are like those jackets your grandmother insists “fit you” even though your arms have lost circulation.
We’re pressured, nudged, praised, or guilt-tripped into wearing them.
Daughter. Son. Leader. Follower. “Good Christian.” “Good mate.” “Good citizen.”
Or the modern ones: Productive worker. Emotionally intelligent partner. Aesthetic human being on social media. Empath
Roles are designed, for a purpose.
Usually someone else’s.
But 2025 has had us shape-shifting faster than an overstimulated chameleon. One minute you’re the reliable friend, the next you’re the therapist, the next you’re the unpaid project manager of everyone’s chaos. The next minute you are assistant Jesus. Another minute youn are the most vile human ever (allegedly)
It’s exhausting.
It’s absurd.
But it’s unfortunately very… human.
When Your Role Isn’t Your Role Anymore
Have you ever noticed your friends sometimes assign you invisible roles?
The “listener.”
The “funny one.”
The “responsible one.”
The “chaotic one we tolerate for the plot”
Friendship can become a small theatre production sometimes. The song and dance of adulting while managing various relationships, it becomes a whole theatre production where no one told you you’d been cast.
But here’s the catch: most people didn’t intentionally assign you anything; they projected what they needed, and you complied before you even noticed you were complying.
And that right there is how the ruin begins:
micro-conformities that slowly sand away your edges.
Slowly erasing your…You.
Holy Scripts & Human Struggle
Then there is the religious angle. The mother of rules and roles.
And also the refuge.
And also the battlefield.
For many, religion offers community, identity, and some sense of order (which, let’s be honest, is comforting when the world feels like the lion’s Den).
But sometimes religion hands you roles you didn’t audition for:
Good girl. Good boy. Good believer. Good forgiver. Good sufferer.
The sacred texts are often divine, but the human interpretations come with terms and conditions written in the fine print:
“Be who we say you should be, or you’ll disappoint God… and us… mostly us.”
And so we follow.
Until we crack.
MODERN RUIN: 2025 and the Great Identity Hangover
We are living in a time where everything has a rule and everyone has a role:
work, dating apps, family, friendships, online communities, even your smartwatch yelling at you to stand up.
Ruin in 2025 looks less like catastrophe and more like numbness.
It’s the quiet erosion of your real self under obligations you didn’t choose.
But good news…ruin is also a doorway.
When things crumble, you can actually see what’s underneath.
Whats left when all the rules and roles fall away, or in other cases grind you to dust.
The Psychological Price of Performing
Here’s the thing:
Wearing too many roles is like having too many open browser tab: eventually something starts burning and it’s either you or your laptop.
Constantly managing who you’re supposed to be creates:
Anxiety (“Am I doing this right?”)
Depression (“Who even am I if I stop?”)
Social burnout (“I never want to see another human face again.”)
A performative version of yourself that becomes harder to peel off
Our mind doesn’t thrive in captivity.
It thrives in truth, contradiction, and fluidity…the stuff rules rarely allow.
You don’t need to burn your life down; you need to loosen the script.
Let’s just pause and acknowledge:
Some rules are good.
Like “don’t microwave metal.”
Or “brush your teeth.”
Roles can be useful too.
Someone should be the designated driver.
Someone should remember the birthdays.
Someone should be the friend who says, “Mate… you’re about to make a terrible decision.”
The trick is not confusing these functional roles with identity.
You’re not “the responsible one.”
You’re just a responsible person on some days.
On others, you’re a chaotic and thats ok too…
Congrats…you’re human.
For Healing Purposes: Liberation Without Losing Discipline
So how do we liberate ourselves from suffocating rules and roles without discarding the good structure they gave us?
A few starting points:
1. Question every role you’ve been assigned.
Ask: Did I choose this, or did someone else hand it to me?
2. Hold structure lightly.
Discipline is great. Rigidity is not.
3. Practice “micro-truths.”
Small daily acts that reflect who you actually are.
4. Redraw the rules , just for you.
Make personal guidelines based on your values, not inherited expectations.
5. Rest. Actually rest.
Pause the performance, or it will pause you.
6. Let friendships, faith, and identity evolve.
Every living thing grows. You’re allowed to as well.
Rules and roles aren’t inherently villains.
But conformity without consciousness?
That’s where ruin lies.
Freedom isn’t about rebellion for rebellion’s sake.
It’s about taking off the ill-fitting jackets, brushing off the dust, and choosing who you want to be:
on purpose,
with clarity,
and hopefully, with a bit of cheeky joy.
After all, what’s more delicious than that?